It is time to get back to writing!!! So here goes :) Since the beginning of this year, I feel like we have been caught up in a whirlwind. Time is passing by us so quickly...good days, great days, better days and some not so great days. Joshua had what we thought was going to be his last surgical procedure back in December. Although, he has since experienced a few set backs, that have at times created some interesting obstacles and challenges for us as well as another needed procedure in May. More on that later....Last year, we decided to return to south Texas with a renewed intention to grow our presence here in this market. Just so you know, this is a lengthy process breaking into the RV market here in south Texas (also in Arizona). Come to find out, these two markets are really competitive and sought after markets for entertainers....who knew! Entertainers flock from all around the country and Canada to these destinations, like us, they too are looking for warmer destinations and opportunities. In fact, many of the venues in these areas refuse to hire entertainers outside of an annual event called an Entertainers Showcase. Here is a brief picture of what this event looks like. First of all, a prospective entertainer gets to submit an application before a set deadline and pay a fee to even be considered for the event. Then once accepted, you are assigned a specific time on a specified date in which to audition (sell yourself) in exactly 9 minutes...no exceptions!!! Each entertainer gets to set up a table with all of your marketing materials and information. As an entertainer, you get to sit at your table (along with about 25-32 other entertainers) from 7am - 5pm waiting for your assigned performance time. Approximately, 150 - 200 activity directors, assistants, venue managers and guests watch a platform; each section of the platform in a different stage of setting up, performing or breaking down after a performance. Entertainers are also expected to be present the entire day (to be respectful to all of the entertainers). I found that part to be very interesting, fun and I learned so much. Through that experience, I learned so much about other entertainers, what the market is looking for and the diversity of entertainment and talent available. Also, I got to meet and visit with others in our industry. Such a great opportunity to learn from our peers and others that are doing things we want to do!! Along with knowledge.....we met and gained new friends too :) After your performance is complete, you are then directed to a private room/area to meet with prospective venues wanting to book/negotiate dates and fees for the upcoming season (in the next year or even two years away!) 

To be clear, this was not our first rodeo at this event. When we first began this journey, we had our hearts set on this very event and believed it was the answer to our success. Our first audition was back in January 2017, when everything that could go wrong did - and our 9 minutes was very sobering. I sat at the booking table without one person coming to book a date and I was not surprised....disappointed and not surprised. However, everything happens for a reason. Although, at the time it felt like a huge punch in the gut, an utter failure. Since then we have learned so much, we took a risk and found out we had more to learn before we were ready for this step. Through that experience, we have learned so much more about promoting, cold calls and commitment. We have grown so much on the business side, in our confidence, creating our brand, perfecting our stage presence as well as not putting all our eggs in one basket ;) We don't always know why things happen the way they do at the time and there is soooooo much power in the unknown!!! 

It was daunting returning to this event three years later. Our disappointment and fear still felt very fresh. I found myself hoping that no one would recognize us from before LOL. Joshua and I had already decided, we were not going to put any pressure on this event to do anything more. In fact, we decided we were going out there to have FUN and put the past behind us. This event would not define who we are or what we have to offer!!! 

We were not without obstacles facing the event this year that is for sure! At this point, we had created the finances for the application fee, submitted the application before the deadline and there was plenty of obstacles throughout that process too (far too many to mention here lol) Our travel/tour/surgery schedule lined up perfectly...YAY!!! Then just days before the BIG DAY, Joshua experienced some serious health complications and needed to be seen at the ER. After leaving the ER, the brakes on our mini van failed!!! At this point, we are located an hour and a half from the bus back on the island, no brakes and fresh out of the ER.....just one day away from the showcase!! If this experience didn't give us every opportunity to quit, I don't know what would LOL. Joshua and I took on each challenge one step at a time, calmly and with our intention clear to conquer our past experience. 

Joshua did our best to set ourselves up to succeed in every way we could. We chose to spend the extra money to reserve an RV site located right on the site of the showcase. This allowed Joshua to still be present without being uncomfortable, he could rest while I was present at our table to do what I do best....connect and promote who we are :) Our intentions were very clear, when it was our turn to take the stage (we were second to the last performers that day) WE ROCKED IT and WE HAD FUN...therefore our audience did too!!! This event was such a BIG success for us this year and we plan to be a part of it again next year. This experience has given us confidence to enter another showcase like this in Arizona for April 2020!!! Wish us luck as we continue to learn and GROW!! 

Here I sit in the waiting room of an auto repair shop again after just dropping Joshua off at the ER just a mile down the street. Joshua is having a small procedure done for a set back after his recent surgery. This procedure was necessary to allow him to take an unexpected flight back to GJ for yet another surgical procedure. It is not even half way through the first month of a brand new year and we are facing obstacles and challenges LOL! Wasn't it just two weeks ago we were reflecting on and CELEBRATING the AMAZING year we just had? It is not like we didn't have obstacles and challenges last year...we are always going to have things like this that we get to experience, we simply get to face these challenges and move forward...it is that simple. The magic is in how we react to them! 

The other day, Joshua and I were just having a discussion regarding light vs darkness. I expressed to him that I believe both must exist. Without moments of darkness, how do you appreciate the moments of light? Our first year on the road tested our faith in every way possible. How? We experienced financial challenges, bus breakdowns, health issues, jumping into a dream without having a clue about what we were doing or what the next step would be. However, with each opportunity that would challenge us, we became stronger. We chose to learn! We left with the bare minimum needed to live. We learned where to be in certain times of the year. Lessons like, it is way too hot in Yuma, Arizona in April without an AC!! We learned how to create balance in our lives. We can rest AND we also get to move if we want to achieve our dreams! We have also learned that we are surrounded by people that love us, believe in us and want the opportunity to support us, unconditionally <3 With each challenge we face, we have also learned nothing happens by accident. Instead of choosing to stress out, get angry, play the "why me" game, we step back take a breath, look at the whole picture and chose to see all of the GOOD in what is happening! Four years ago January 1, we left our home in Grand Junction, Colorado in pursuit of our dream of living on the road and bringing JOY through music! In this pursuit, we have come to realize, even our worst day on the road isn't nearly as bad as our worst day just existing and going through the motions back home.

Yesterday, we chose to pay for a flight for Joshua to return to GJ next week to have another minor surgery that will promote better healing from the last one. We had just enough money to purchase the plane ticket. Today, we chose to drive an hour and a half away to a highly rated ER to take care of an issue that was causing an extreme amount of pain for Joshua, so he could make the trip next week without pain. After dropping him off I decided to run to the store just down the road. When the brakes went all the way to the floor, my first thought was...of course, why not now?!?! After I parked the van, I jumped out and saw a puddle of brake fluid under the drivers side and knew this was not going to be something I could safely solve on my own. I took a deep breath, went into the store to get what I needed and came back out to make a plan for a solution. I looked at the map on my GPS, saw that a brake shop was literally just across the street from where I was. I decided I would take the chance to drive it that far to get the necessary repairs done. They got it right in, all while Joshua was waiting to be seen at the ER. The estimate came back at $435 for the minimum repairs needed to get us back on the road. I was about $200 short of making that payment. I reached out to my friends just to share where we were and to ask for prayer support. Through that request came the solution and for that I am soooooo grateful! While I was here, I met a fellow musician turned music producer. I always say I never meet anyone by accident and I may not ever know why we needed to meet and today of all days. One thing I did notice, we need this vehicle to get Joshua back and forth to his flight this next week. If this brake issue would have happened while we were on South Padre Island, we would not have the option of repairing it without extensive towing costs on top of finding a shop nearby that would be capable of doing the repairs. Just one more reason to be grateful it happened today! Proof again that the universe is conspiring with us!!! Another thing I have noticed, whenever we have a BIG breakthrough coming for us, we tend to experience lots of obstacles, high energy challenges. When these things happen, I have become very aware there is GREATNESS just waiting on the other side of the challenges we experience and for that I AM SO GREATFUL!!! 

I have always said "Everything happens for a reason" and my belief has grown and continues to grow stronger than ever!!! 

Here we are, our bus is parked in between Lincoln and Omaha Nebraska. A month ago, we would have never guessed that we would be here of all places. In fact, we were headed to New Orleans! While we were performing in New Ulm, MN, Joshua decided to take on an electrical job to help pay for our baby goal. However, just a week after arriving we discovered we no longer needed to raise money for the baby goal. Now what? Well, we had a hole in our band schedule, for about a month and a half, that was originally planned for me to recover from surgery and now I didn't need that either. Joshua decided he wanted to keep his commitment to the new job. Earning some really great money while I decided to focus on building our tour and planting seeds here in the Nebraska area. We decided this was just what we needed to start the year off in a good financial position. Shifting our focus to making repairs, bus maintenance and putting funds in our account will put us on a very strong start for the new year! Heck we may even get the opportunity to write some music while we are here! The weather was super nice when we arrived and that made it easy to believe his work days would be fairly tolerable and soon we would be on our way again. Well, you know what they say "make a plan and watch God laugh" lol. Joshua's first week of training was a dream, a really nice hotel, 8 hour days, it was still fairly warm, he had a ride to training and it was indoors with awesome lunch provided by the company, then happy hour with his new work buddies after work. All this, while I had the mini van and the freedom to do errands, meet with venue prospects, use the beautiful exercise facilities, swim in the pool, make calls from a very comfortable hotel room and practice my guitar. That week was spectacular!!! Training is over now, we head back to the bus to prepare for cold weather as the RV park has warned they will shut off our water if we do not prepare our bus to their specifications. Oh boy!! Joshua literally finished the cold weather preparations just in time!!! A major cold front moved in, we were scrambling to do everything we could inside the bus to keep it insulated and warm. As many of you may know, our bus is not really set up for cold temperatures because our original plan was to follow the sun in 75 - 80 degree temps all year around!!! So, we improvised with what we had on the bus and purchased cheap pillows to block cold air from seeping into our return air vents. Blankets and pillows on the floor, it looks as if we have created our very own fort and it collapsed LOL! WOW!! I am so grateful Joshua is so handy and hard working, we have running water and enough heat to get us through this!!! So much for writing new music, long 10 hour days in the cold is very exhausting....there will be more time for this soon! 

So, here comes the motivation part. While Joshua is bundled up in warm clothes, getting up at 4am to leave for the job site by 5am. He is reminded of why he chose to leave the electrical field three years ago once again. For the past three years we have been living our best life, doing what we love. It hasn't always been a bed of roses and we love what we do. Joshua and I have been sharing lots of conversations around lessons in life lately. I was sharing with him and others recently, that I believe we will be presented with the same opportunities to learn over and over again until we learn the lesson and choose to do something different. I believe this shows up in faith, trust, scarcity thinking....whatever it is, situations will show up to test us. There have been many times since we left the trade three years ago that Joshua has been offered construction and electrical job opportunities. Joshua keeps telling me and others that he doesn't want to return to the trades. He explains it is hard on his body, it doesn't bring him joy, he feels that he loses momentum and focus on what he really wants. And yet, when offered the opportunity to do it again, here we are. However, I can tell you this, this time "feels" different. Over the past week, Joshua has been sharing with me how grateful he is for the life that we have created when we are traveling and performing together. He feels and is sharing that he is excited to focus more on writing books, telling stories, writing music and performing. I feel the shift in his energy and can hear the difference when he talks about our future!!! He shares with me that this experience, although he is grateful for the funds it is putting into our bank account, is also motivating him to build "his" future instead of building a future for someone else. 

During this experience, I have chosen to support Joshua in this journey and his decision to go back to work. Now, I was also very honest with him too. I was not thrilled to be going to Nebraska in November or that he was choosing to return to a trade I know it doesn't make him happy. However, I will be here to love on him, cook hot, healthy meals, do whatever errands need to be done, make his lunches, book more tour dates and do whatever it takes to be by his side while he works his butt off for us! I know in my heart his intentions are good, he is not trying to make us suffer and we are still learning life's lessons together.

I too, have used the cold conditions here as motivation! While he is working in the cold, I am working to build our future. I am dreaming and creating a vision for where we will be next year at this time. I see warm beaches, big audiences, lots of dancing, sleeping in, quiet mornings with coffee and great conversations, supported by a wonderful team of visionaries and friends!!! These dreams get me up in the cold morning and motivate me to make cold calls, send emails, research, more marketing and promotions!!! Through it all, I have learned, how can you use what you have right now to change your future?!?! For now, I am using the cold winter weather as motivation to get me to the beach!!! Time to make more calls ;) 

Today, I woke up with the sunshine flowing through the sheer white curtains here on the bus, in our cozy little bedroom. It is a new day, I get to start over. I get to let go of the failures, disappointments, sadness and a dream that will never be. I keep thinking to myself "how can you be grieving something that never happened?" As I shared in my previous blog post, having a baby and sharing the whole pregnancy experience with Joshua has been a dream of ours for about 8 years. A little more than a week ago, I went to a clinic while we were moving through a small town on tour, to get my blood drawn to test my hormone levels. This test would determine if I would be a good candidate for tubal reversal surgery or not. 

For the past week, time seemed to just come to a creeping slow crawl while we anxiously waited on these results. Joshua and I were getting very anxious and excited to move forward. We have spent the last year dreaming about this goal again. There have been lots of research and waiting for the perfect time to move forward. When we saw that we had a decent break in our tour schedule for the month of October, we took that as a sign that it was time to move. Everything seemed to be happening so quickly and smoothly, we were getting so excited that this was going to work this time! For example, we found a clinic on our tour schedule route that not only fit into our budget but were very prompt in getting everything we needed to move forward within our time frame. Then located a clinic that could draw my blood on a Sunday, in a little small town at exactly the right time (the test needed to be done on the 3rd day of my cycle). If I missed this test alone it would have thrown us into missing the window needed for the surgery and recovery. Joshua ran into an old work colleague who directed him to a job where he could work while I was recovering that would not only fund the surgery but put money in the bank. All the stars seemed to be in alignment....right?!?!

All in faith, we drove to the location where Joshua would be starting the job. Got a loan to purchase a vehicle to get him back and forth to the job and to pay for immediate needs like a place to park and live in the bus while he is working. Joshua and I discussed many times before making any of these moves the possibility that this test could stop the process and we asked ourselves..."will we be ok if the answer is no?" However, how can you really know your response until you are in the moment. 

Yesterday, while we were excitedly doing a bunch of our errands believing we were going to get the answer we wanted to hear..... Here I was, standing outside of a coffee shop, in the rain, I got the call. I was not prepared for the results or my reaction. I was told by the nurse we had less than a 1% chance of getting pregnant after surgery. At first I think I was in shock...I spoke very calmly and didn't really feel anything. As I ended the call and walked to meet Joshua inside, I saw his face and he thought I was coming in with good news. I quickly started to share the information with him and while doing so....ALL the emotions broke loose all at once. In one instant our hope and dream was gone....just like that. My heart was broken and Joshua's emotions were shortly behind mine. While we sat in silence drinking our coffee, me in tears that wouldn't stop coming, Joshua was communicating the results by text with our oldest daughter because their Facetime conversation was interrupted by bad Wifi once again. Soon after we texted all of our kids and other close family members anxious to hear the results too.

Last night Joshua and I processed our grief in silence for what seemed like an eternity while doing little chores and avoiding each other. Joshua finally suggested to me that we should announce our results to all of our fans, friends and family on Facebook Live. I really didn't feel like I had the strength or to be honest the desire to tell anyone at this point AND he made a great point...if it had been good news we would have shared it this way, so this shouldn't be any different. Joshua and I would like to thank everyone for the pouring out of love, prayers, virtual hugs and support while we continue to process our sadness, disappointment and grief. 

Tonight, we chose to shift our energy. Joshua and I talked about how everything happens for a reason. While we were talking, we discussed how when things like this happen, it is possible we are being protected from various possible undesirable outcomes. Then we talked about all the ways we are going to move forward with excitement! Our focus on our music, touring, and growing is stronger than ever. The funds from the job that he is starting will now go into improving the bus to keep us running down the road even more successfully than before! The vehicle we purchased will get us back to Centerville to share our time and voices with our dear friend as we share our grief. I truly believe this is just a step in our journey....yes it is a closed door and sometimes the closed doors open amazing opportunities to more, better and different! I believe one day we will look back on this experience and see the blessing...today is not that day. 

We always seem to be on the move, rarely staying in one spot for longer than a week or two. This changed very little in the first two years of our journey. However, January 1st of this year we began our third year on the road as a full time touring band and with the new year came lots of changes. 

Joshua and I were just reflecting back on this year and we were realizing that we have spent very little time actually on the bus this year. Our schedule really hasn't changed much excluding taking some time off to take care of some health issues. However we did notice this, we have been so blessed to stay with so many friends and family instead. As we travel we get to meet and spend time with so many kind, generous and loving people that open their homes and hearts to us. In these moments we get to share our lives, share stories, experiences and memories. Our friends have shared that they enjoy spending time in our space and are so honored to share their homes with us. I am always so humbled and surprised that people want to spend that kind of time with us lol.

During this time, I realized many of you may not know our story before we became "The Band Wanted". I know that I am shocked when I share our "before" story how many people are surprised that they had never heard this part of our story before. So, I thought this is the perfect time to share it with you. Why is this the perfect time you might ask? Well here goes....

Here I am sitting in a lounge once again boondocking at a truck stop just outside Omaha, Nebraska. Waiting.....I am reflecting on what started this journey in the first place. Joshua and I were married October 20, 2012 and we had decided that we really wanted to share the experience of having a child together. Joshua up until this point never fathered any children of his own and he had fallen in love with my three almost adult children. He expressed that he had never wanted to have children of his own until now. However, at the age of 20 years old, (and three babies) I had decided to have a medical procedure done (tubal ligation) when my youngest daughter was born to prevent me from having any other children. After many discussions and some research Joshua and I decided to try IVF (InVitro Fertilization) to get pregnant. After about six months of testing, research and only six weeks away from "getting pregnant" the doctors required a routine mammogram to proceed to the final step in our process. June of 2013 I was diagnosed with DCIS (Ductal Carcinoma In Situ) Breast Cancer Stage 0. The doctors informed us that the process of IVF would not be the best option for us at this time. Joshua and I were at a cross roads, our dream of sharing a child together was gone. At the time, we did not see this as a blessing, however our view has flipped 360 degrees since then. That diagnoses changed our lives forever! We had a second chance at truly living our lives not just going through the motions, keeping up with the Jones's. This was our opportunity to change our lives and our health increasing our quality of life. We put this goal on hold for that time and with hope that we could return to our goal in the future. Since then, we took our IVF baby fund and invested into starting our electrical contracting business that was yet again another opportunity to learn (we closed the business in debt). Each step we took forward got us closer to doing what it is we LOVE and DOING what it was we kept telling everyone we wanted to do. We love traveling together, singing together, trying new things, bringing joy to others and helping them find theirs!!! 

Since that first diagnosis, we have done things to get healthier, physically and emotionally. We are totally different people than we were 6 years ago! Recently, we decided it was time to revisit our goal of having a child together!!! After some research, we found that it may be possible to do a tubal reversal instead of IVF as we had originally planned. This method felt so much better to both of us. About a month ago we saw a significant hole in our schedule and thought this may be the reason. A few weeks ago, we contacted a surgery center to start the process. While we were in New Ulm, MN, I located a clinic to have my blood drawn in order to take the first step. The blood test would determine if I am a good candidate for the medical procedure. 

So here we are.....waiting.....waiting for the next step. This past week we have been waiting on all kinds of things to fall into place. We have experienced delays in finances, booking dates, a job application, getting the test results, locating our next destination...you name it....we are waiting on it. During this test of our patience, it has been so tempting to go out and make things happen. I don't know what the outcome will be and I know whatever it is....it is exactly what it is supposed to be, a lesson, a new stage in life or an open door to a bigger opportunity! We will see :) 

We get the opportunity to travel this big beautiful country and Canada! If someone would have asked me "What is your joy?" 10 years ago I would have totally been stumped...What do you mean? What is that? Back then my life looked A LOT different than it does today. A typical day in the life of Candy went something like this; get up on a Monday morning with just enough time to take a shower, run out the door of a temporary house because again I am ending yet another relationship. In between leaving a home I loved, I moved into a crappy trailer, in a crappy neighborhood, with a crappy vehicle on its last leg, just to start over once again. With my teenage children in tow, I have now uprooted them from the only life they have known on a farm full of animals with quiet wide open space and little to no neighbors; into a typical low income mobile home park where everybody knows everybody AND their business. You can literally hear your neighbor sneeze lol. This was a huge transition period for all of us. Just one of the many baby steps I took in the hopes of a better life. I worked in a very male dominated industry, managing a crew of men, customer service, dispatching, billing, basically anything that needed to be done. During my 10 years with this union company, as a non union employee, I was under paid, under appreciated. The official title of my position with this company was Controller/Administrative Assistant it was one of leadership. Although I was put into this leadership position by the owner, many times it was undermined when the men I managed would run to the owner/boss and complain once again that I was being a B***ch by simply expecting them to do their jobs with excellence.

At this point, I had tried on several occasions to quit this job that I absolutely hated just to be drawn back in with another promise of more money. As a single mother, that was all the motivation I needed to keep going through the motions in order to make sure my kids had everything that they needed. At the end of a work day, I would return home, go for a walk to get dinner...I would work a deal with my kids..."you want dinner tonight...you get to walk with me to go get it" it was my way of spending time with them plus the added benefit of creating healthier habits by walking. Then I would watch a TV program or two with my kids only to fall into bed, just to start this day all over again tomorrow. This was also the point in my life that I was like, screw it, I don't need a man in my life full time. Previously, I would try to find someone to fill the void in my life always, expecting to find a fairytale relationship. In reality, I was avoiding loneliness, believing the stories I had grown up hearing "you need a man in your life", "don't marry for love, marry for money" "you will never make it on your own"....Oh geez!!! This time was different, I was learning what was working for ME and my kids! When my mindset began to change, my life began to change, I was finally learning what I wanted out of life....so much of this period of time was not pretty or fun that is for sure. In fact, I am pretty sure there may be a few country songs that could be written about that time too lol. All fired up and ready to do something different once again. I had told my boss that I was quitting my job to move to another state because I saw an opportunity to do something different with my life. Well, once again I chickened out when he offered me more money. In that moment, I decided to believe the same thoughts (story/excuse that I had created) that I needed this job to provide for my kids, no matter how miserable I was. 

You may be wondering...what changed? About six months, prior to this most recent relationship failure, I woke up one day and decided I didn't like who I was becoming. My life was sinking deeper into a place I didn't want to see myself or my kids be a part of any longer; smoking, drinking every night, horrible eating habits, angry with my choices, no goals, just trying to get through the next day. A loveless relationship made out of convenience and false promises, turning into something hateful and mean. Then being told by my family doctor, if I kept doing what I was doing, "You will die". Not to mention, also being told by my son's doctor that because of my smoking I was causing more damage to him too....OMG! Talk about a wake up call!!! How many more signs from the universe did I need to have in order to do something different?

Basically, I had to start somewhere, so it all started with little baby steps. I quit smoking, drinking every night, started exercising and eating better. Believe me when I tell you, this was not an easy time in my life. Like, miraculously I just woke up one day and my whole life was better lol....to this day, I am still learning! During this transition, I lost many relationships, friends and family members that were encouraging me to keep doing what I have always done. My significant other and friends would offer me cigarettes and a drink whenever I seemed "stressed out". He refused to eat healthier or exercise going as far as making fun of me when I would. Once, I remember him bringing a bucket of chicken and a beer when he decided to take a walk with me lol. In fact, I recall him getting angry when I wouldn't cook the way I used to, even though he had also been given strict dietary restrictions of his own from a family doctor. The happier I became with my decisions the more "Friends" and "Family" started moving away from me.The stronger I became, the less they wanted to be around me. Now, I do have a couple of family members that stood up for me and encouraged me to keep going too and for them I am very grateful!

Ok, now that I have jumped through a rabbit hole with you...let's get back to how I started finding my joy. This process started with baby steps as well, I began thinking and asking myself....Who am I? What do I love to do? What activities make me happy? What kind of person do I want to be? As a single mom, I really started with small things like, remembering what I liked to do before I had kids. I loved reading, drawing, walking, biking, hiking and I really loved dancing and singing. Growing up in a big family, I realized I had never really done anything by myself! Kinda funny to think about it now. So, I started spending time with just me, going to the movies by myself, coffee shops to sit by myself, having my own bedroom was a huge step for me and something I had never really experienced! Sometimes, it was just a few minutes and sometimes I would include my kids in the adventure of finding out who I was...we created some pretty crazy memories during this time of self discovery too! By the time Joshua and I came together I was getting pretty clear about who I was and what I wanted out of life. However, it is easy to fall back into old patterns. Joshua and I chose daily to continue learning together, we ask each other questions like, "How do you want to be loved?" "What makes you happy?". We do our best to communicate what is working and what isn't working so we can try something different. 

Joshua and I used to say that we wanted to travel, wanted a simple life, financial freedom, to do what we want to do, when we want to do it. These are all things we used to "say" and now....we just do it! Still working on the financial freedom and I believe we are getting close ;) We have discovered through experience money, time and people are just excuses made up out of fear of the unknown. Our own excuses keep us from taking any risks because out of habit and being comfortable we would rather stay in the same job, relationship, habits, house or whatever "story" we created to keep us safe....at least we know what to expect, right?. Even if it is unhappy, unfulfilled and miserable. Since then, I have discovered that as long as I keep doing what makes me happy, everything else just falls into place...it doesn't always look the way I think it is going to LOL and we have everything we need and more! 

I have grown so much since then, even just recalling these past experiences seems like a dream or a past life altogether. Since then, I have discovered so much about myself with the love and support of my husband Joshua along with the grace and patience of my kids too....I am still learning <3 Now as we travel one of my favorite questions for people that we meet or friends that we get to spend time with is always..."What is your joy?" I am amazed how many times people will look at me with a blank expression, sometimes a sad or surprised expression when they answer "I don't know?". Great!!! Do you want to learn what it is?!?! These questions always excite me, to watch someone take that little spark of curiosity and watch their face change as they start to dream about the possibilities!!! 

10 years ago I could not have told you what my joy was either and now I am still discovering all of the new and different ways I experience joy!!! Some of these things include, traveling with my best friend, spending time with my kids (grandkids), discovering new adventures, places and friends, performing, singing, watching someone light up when I sing for them....these are just a few and the list just goes on <3 Do you know how I know these are the things that bring me joy? When others tell me how happy and young I look....that is all the feedback I need to keep doing what I love most....thank you and keep it coming!!! 

WOW!! This past month could only be described as being caught in a whirlwind! I cannot believe it has only been a month since my last blog post...so many things have happened. Our northwest tour began June 20 in Heber City, Utah at one of my favorite resorts and here in about a week we get to finish our tour at the same place- Mountain Valley RV Resort. For all of our traveling buddies out there in the RV world I highly recommend visiting....be sure to do it while we are there ;) Anyway, after we left Utah we hot-footed it over to Sacramento, CA to spend time with our friends. Joshua was determined to finish a project he had started while we visited by train just a few short weeks before.

Each step of our journey becomes clearer as we learn more and more about each other, who we are, and finding our joy. You may be wondering, "What does she mean finding joy?". So, let me explain this just a bit....take a trip back in time with me. Think about a time in your life, maybe around the time you were 3, 4, 5 or 6 years old. What made you giggle? What was it that you were sooooo into that you couldn't think about taking a nap or you couldn't wait to get up in the morning to do? For me, I LOVED being outside, music, dancing and singing....I could not get enough!!! I had a toy piano that I would sit at and play for hours, in fact I learned how to play the theme song to my mom's favorite soap opera "The Young and The Restless" by ear. I had a broken old cassette player, you know the one you didn't have a cover to keep the batteries in so you had to tape them in. I would play all my favorite cassettes; The Statler Brothers, Dolly Parton, Kenny Rogers- over and over again. Then I would record myself singing on the little corded microphone on the one blank cassette that I had...this was my prized possession <3 Joshua loves to tell a story that my mom shared with him about me during our shows, how when I was about 4 or 5 while we were traveling with my dad on the oil rigs in Wyoming and Utah. I told everyone that I had written the song "Delta Dawn".....I loved that song so much that I had in fact believed that I had written it. I sang it all the time and one of my favorite songs to dance to was "Music Box Dancer". In fact, I had created my very own dance routine to that song and people would ask me to do it whenever they saw me lol. One of my favorite memories was when my grandma (we call her Honey) took me, my sister, and my cousin to see my great-grand-mother (Honey's mother) in a nursing home. Honey asked us to sing Christmas songs to a group of the residents that were sitting there in the dining room. I loved singing for them, their eyes lit up and I was the center of their attention while we sang...it was wonderful!!! 

After awhile life piles up all kinds of stuff that can cause us to forget what true JOY feels like....You know the old saying "Life Happens". We begin to forget what makes our hearts happy and we start going through the motions. Going to school, getting jobs, raising kids....chasing a paycheck, for the mortgage, for a house that we don't really get to spend much time in, just to go back to work the next day. I share this with Joshua and others as we travel, people are afraid of a zombie apocalypse...we are already there. Don't believe me....take a walk through a department store, grocery store or watch people headed to work on their morning commute....get up, go through the motions without even a thought (shower, hair/makeup, breakfast, out the door by 6:45 to be to work by 8), no smiles, no excitement and no passion. Just zombies going through the motions. I did this for years!!! I was so "busy" making a living that I was forgetting how to LIVE. 

Since we jumped off the edge 3 years ago on January 1, we continue to learn how to LIVE in our JOY! This past month has been so FULL of LIFE!!! I LOVE performing, singing, learning new music, writing new music, sharing my light and joy with others!! We got to spend time with awesome friends and family, make new friends, walk the beach, play games, climb mountains, see waterfalls, experience new places, have coffee, watch the sun rise and set, giggle and be silly! There were so many experiences in such a short time, I am sure I have forgotten a few lol. Now, instead of slogging through the motions, we start each day excited to see what we create! Sometimes it's a new adventure or a new opportunity and sometimes it's just rest, with a few great people or without, just depends on what we need. This is what I call LIVING and Oh What a RUSH it is!!! 

Boy, oh boy does time fly when we are having fun! Recently, we took some time off for medical reasons and for Joshua's recovery time after surgery. Now we are at it again and stronger than ever!!! In less than a month we have taken a train from Grand Junction, CO to Sacramento, CA, 5 shows, created a sound recording for a brand new video that has been in the works since March, built two sheds and now we are back out on tour!!! We took about six weeks out of our regularly scheduled tour to finally get some answers to some health issues and questions affecting Joshua's health for several years now. During that time off, we got to spend lots of time with family, reflecting on our past life living in Grand Junction and regrouping for what we want to see in our future. What we have come to realize is living in our small town again the way we had before would seem very small to us. We crave adventure, new places and playing a bigger game than we have ever dreamed of before!!! What I realized for myself is that I was ready to be building our dreams again, I missed performing and singing sooooo badly!!! I was ready for BIG GROWTH!!! 

We are super excited to grow!!! On our train ride we talked about all the things that we want to do different, things that are working and not working and what the next steps are in our growth. Getting clear on, "where do we want to put our focus?" What a wonderful place to have a business meeting to discuss our future! Joshua and I LOVE dreaming and visioning together, the difficult part for us is taking some action to put our dreams into forward movement...we are wonderful planners ;) We get super excited and talk with lots of passion and then settle back into routines....does this sound familiar to anyone else? However, we have found that setting goals usually supports us in forward movement or at least figuring out what we are truly committed to. Recently we talked about creating more of our own music, writing, recording and performing our very own creations!!! We have also decided that this type of growth includes adding band members to our group. This has sparked even more conversations of what that might look like. Who are we looking for? What expectations do we have? Will they have? The list of questions just goes on.....This step has been very scary, for lots of different reasons. Joshua remembering past experiences when working with others had been stressful. When we added employees to our electrical business it wasn't the best experience. Facing our fears head on and not knowing what to expect. I know in my heart we will attract the right people with a vision to succeed with our band....no matter what. 

What we have come up with so far is a vision! Performing on BIG STAGES with a committed, talented, easy to work with, do whatever it takes back up band that includes a guitarist, drummer, bassist, to start. Possibly having a second bus for them to travel too. The Band Wanted will be committed to the success of everyone in the band and that could look a million different ways. The Band Wanted will always be Joshua and Candy Carpenter. The new members of the band will be fun additions to our friends and family. 

So, here we go into the wild blue yonder without a clue on how we will get to our destination or when!!! What we do know is we are committed to our dreams becoming reality and taking a few people with us on the way up....including all of you!!! Here's to GROWTH!!! 

WE ARE OFFICIALLY BACK ON THE ROAD!!! I am so excited I can hardly contain myself!!! I am also so very grateful for the time off (about 2 months). During this time off, we stayed with our kids. Each one of them have been so supportive, generous, excited, patient and loving. So grateful for our oldest daughter opening up her home, providing a room for us to stay in and the time we needed for Joshua to adequately recover from his surgery <3 

Throughout the course of our time off from singing, traveling, meeting new people, writing new music, it was like taking a glimpse back in time. I pictured what my life used to be like before we jumped into chasing our dreams together. I watched as my kids, each of them in a different stages of life, living their lives like pictures from my own past. Our oldest daughter raising 4 children and going to school herself, attempting to balance each child's schedule is like walking a tight rope between biological parents, step parents, grandparents with toddlers, a pre-teen, a teenager and one on the way is quite simply controlled chaos in action lol. The pressures that her and her husband (who is also starting a brand new business) handle daily is immeasurable. They are both learning to become a united team and they are doing an amazing job together. While staying with them I could easily see things I could have done differently while I faced some of the same challenges. It was at these times I would feel frustration when I would suggest a solution and know that my very capable daughter was not going to do things the way I would do them LOL. Breath....She gets to learn too and I get to take a breath and be relieved that this is not my circus and those are not my monkeys!!! I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE spending time with all of my kiddos, my grand babies and I also love the freedom of not being their parent! I don't have to make major decisions in their lives. Instead, I get to trust that I raised my children to the best of my ability to be loving, kind, generous, patient adults and I am confident that they will raise their children the same way <3 This experience provided lots of opportunities for me to learn and grow as well. I am practicing patience, grace and gratitude...I am not perfect, I loose my patience, I jump to conclusions and solutions instead of allowing others the space they need to learn for themselves and I take things for granted....I too am learning. I am so very proud of my kids and their ability to keep learning!!!

During, this process I was reminded that my children don't need me to be in their lives on a daily basis. They are capable of figuring things out for themselves and their families without my input. By allowing them the space to learn I also get to celebrate their victories with them when they chose to share them!! They have also learned too that I am here to support them anytime they ask for it...they always know where to find me ;) 

I learned so much about myself during our time off. For instance, the thought of returning to our small town full time was frightening LOL. Although I love spending time with family and friends, I yearn to be exploring and traveling. The longer we stayed the more stagnant I felt...I missed singing and performing soooooo much. I really can't imagine myself doing anything else, at least for now. I had never realized just how much I loved what we do until I wasn't doing it anymore. I now know more than ever that I am living in my purpose!!! After performing at a church for the first time in months....my heart was sooooo filled up by the experience of just singing again....all I could think of, how can I do more of this and play bigger? I don't have the answers yet and I know that as long as I keep living my passion and live in my joy the universe will meet my needs!!! 

By living my dreams, my insatiable desire to keep learning and moving, I get to really LIVE IN MY PURPOSE!! I truly get to be the example to my kids and my grand babies that I have a life worth LIVING!!! My purpose is to "Let my light shine through" and what better way to do that than doing what I love to do!!! 

Today, I found out we didn't win the songwriters contest that we entered back in December this past year. My initial reaction was disappointment, I failed to win with a song I felt had the potential of becoming an award winning song. I was totally bummed :( Over the past six months I had put so much energy toward promoting it, creating a video and excitement around it, sharing it with our audience and enrolling others into my excitement.....and now there was no celebration......no finale...no fireworks! Now what? What does this mean? Am I a failure? Should I just give up on writing music? Do I crawl off into a hole, forget the song all together including all the work I put into it? What do I do about the let down? All of these thoughts came flooding into my brain.....uuuggghhhh!!! Hold that thought! Right now in this moment I have an opportunity....for what you might ask ;) I have an opportunity to choose my reaction! 

Let me unwrap this just a bit. A few years ago I was playing a game and during that game I got to experience how I show up in life first hand. During this game a fellow teammate revealed to me that they had seen something about me. My immediate initial reaction to their observation was anger and defensiveness. In that moment, I stopped....it felt like forever and I probably appeared to this person as a crazy person as I took the time without responding to just stare at her while I pondered and thought this whole experience through LOL. Then I realized that this was just an observation, their perspective, it didn't mean that it was right or wrong or even that it was true, they just saw something I wasn't aware of!!! WOW!!! This experience has changed my life!!! I now have the power to choose my reaction, to dissect and determine how I want to feel, does this information even apply?- and more importantly what do I get to do different to improve moving forward?!

That experience alone has been a GAME CHANGER for me. Now, when I feel a strong emotion come up for me: anger, disappointment, fear, defensiveness -the list can go on and on- instead of reacting with anger, resentment, and frustration (which are all negative responses that have the potential to grow negative responses), I get to choose a positive response that promotes growth, learning and opportunities for better!! I continue to practice this and my responses get easier and faster all the time. In fact, I no longer look like I am lost in space staring at people while I work through how I want to respond LOL. I am not perfect by any means and there are still times when I revert back to old habits of frustration/anger AND with practice they are fewer and farther between. One thing I do know now is that my reaction is my responsibility and I can no longer blame anyone else for how I feel...that is my choice.

Well let's get back to the beginning of the story. Yes, I was bummed and had a flood of reactions show up for me and I have taken the opportunity to look at each one and made these decisions. Yes, I do get to celebrate! I get to celebrate that we took a chance, we stepped out of our comfort zone to enter our song into a contest, it was scary to put ourselves out there for everyone to see. Our audiences have encouraged us, given us wonderful feedback and want us to keep doing what we do. We have an opportunity to improve our song, after writing and recording we discovered some things that we want to do to make it better! This experience has given me the drive to keep going, I know we will keep improving, learning and creating more, better music together! I know I love what I do, our recent extended break from music has given me the opportunity to reflect. I am more determined now than I have ever been that this is where I am supposed to be; singing, writing, performing....I am LIVING in my purpose!!! So look out world....LET THE GAMES BEGIN!!!